yes.. i am giving up.. i am giving up the hope that everything will fall into place.. just like before.. no.. it won't happen.. for now, i can say that.. he's too absorbed in his own world to be able to notice my feelings and expectations.. i knew that, maybe earlier in my subconsciousness, but i have always known it.. and i am also to blame, i know.. i act as if i couldn't care less.. that's what i am showing him.. the toughie me.. i don't want to be like this, really, but i've sunk too deep into this shit that i will just go with the flow.. if this will lead me into being so badly beaten and bruised again then i don't mind.. i have been in that state before, i'll just get up and fight back again.. or maybe i won't..
-- taken from my livejournal account..
revisiting previous thoughts and feelings..
~oOo~
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